Why Most People Set the Wrong Goals (And What Actually Matters)

Most people don’t fail their goals.
They just succeed at the wrong ones.

It sounds harsh, but it’s quietly happening everywhere.

People chase promotions they don’t even want.
Work toward lifestyles they don’t enjoy.
Tick boxes that were never really theirs to begin with.

And the strangest part?
They often get there… and still feel off.

I’ve seen this from a few different angles in my life. But nothing sharpens your perspective quite like being a firefighter.

When things go wrong, really wrong, the usual scoreboard disappears. No one talks about job titles, followers, or how busy they’ve been. What shows up instead is simple, almost uncomfortable in its clarity:

Who’s there.
What matters.
What was left unsaid.

It doesn’t take long to realise that most of what we spend our energy chasing doesn’t make that list.

The Real Problem With Goal Setting

We’re taught to set goals early.

At school, in careers, in business. Always aiming, always climbing.

But rarely do we stop and ask:

Where did these goals come from?

A lot of them are inherited.

From parents.
From culture.
From comparison.

You see what others are doing, what they’re achieving, and without realising it, you start building a life in response to that.

Stephen Covey talks about this in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He emphasises starting with the end in mind. Not society’s end. Not your boss’s version of success. Yours.

The problem is, most people never take the time to define that.

So they end up disciplined, driven… and disconnected.

What Actually Matters (When Life Gets Real)

There’s a book that stayed with me long after I read it: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Frankl survived the Holocaust and came to a simple but powerful conclusion:

Humans can endure almost anything, as long as they have meaning.

Not success. Not comfort. Meaning.

And meaning doesn’t come from ticking boxes. It comes from connection. From purpose. From how you show up when things aren’t easy.

I’ve felt this in more personal ways too.

Growing up around addiction. Losing my mum to a heroin overdose. Those experiences strip things back in a way you don’t choose, but you can’t ignore either.

They force a question:

What actually matters here?

And the answers are rarely complicated.

Time.
Presence.
People.
Purpose.

That’s it.

Everything else is extra.

A Better Way to Set Goals

So if most goals are off-track… what’s the alternative?

Instead of asking “What do I want to achieve?”
Start with: “What actually matters to me?”

From there, I like to think about goals through three simple filters:

1. Meaning

Why does this matter?

Not the surface answer. The real one.

If you reach this goal, what does it give you?
Connection? Freedom? Peace? Growth?

If there’s no real meaning behind it, motivation won’t last.

2. Alignment

Is this actually yours?

Or is it borrowed?

This is where a lot of goals quietly fall apart. They look good on paper but feel heavy in real life.

The Bhagavad Gita touches on this idea in a different way. It teaches focusing on your own path, your own duty, rather than comparing yourself to others.

It’s less about doing more… and more about doing what’s right for you.

3. Direction

Does this move your life forward in a way that feels true?

Not perfect. Not certain. Just honest.

Goals don’t need to be massive. They just need to point you somewhere that feels like progress.

What This Looked Like For Me

There wasn’t a single moment where everything clicked.

More like a series of quiet shifts.

Moving from firefighting into coaching.
Starting a charity to build schools in Nepal.
Coming back to music.

None of these came from chasing status or outcomes. If anything, they made life less predictable.

But they felt aligned.

They had meaning.

And that made the uncertainty easier to carry.

A Question Worth Sitting With

If everything was stripped back…

No expectations.
No comparisons.
No pressure to impress anyone.

What would actually matter to you?

And are your current goals pointing you in that direction… or away from it?

Final Thought

Most people don’t need better discipline.

They need better direction.

Because when a goal is truly yours, when it’s grounded in meaning and aligned with who you are…

You don’t have to force it as much.

You still work hard. You still show up.

But it feels different.

Less like pushing a boulder uphill…
More like walking a path that, for once, feels like your own.

If this resonates, it might be worth taking a step back and properly looking at where you’re heading.

Not just what you’re chasing… but why.